I'd like to preface this by saying that I hate the DMV. Hate hate hate. For those of you not on the up and up, I don't have my driver's license. Short version: I took the class, but because I missed one day, I never got the certificate of completion. I was too pissed about it at the time to retake the class (and I didn't want to spend another $200), so it just never happened. Then living in Denver I didn't really need a license since they have a great bus system.

So, fast forward to about a month ago, when Liz and I decided that it was high time to get this taken care of. I've been practicing on weekends and studying the manual like whoa. 2 weeks ago Liz called the DMV to ask if we needed to make an appointment. "Oh, no," said the man on the phone,"You just need to come in and you'll get taken care of." Great, hunky dory. I talk to HR and tell them I'm taking today off. I also got Friday off for fourth of July, so I figured we'd be in great shape.

Fast forward to Friday. We go to the DMV to take the test. They are closed. In observance of fourth of July. Am I mad at them for taking off? Not really, no. I'm mad at them for not a) telling Liz when she called and b) not having on the website stating "OUR OFFICES WILL BE CLOSED JULY 3RD!!" in big, bold, red letters, so we could avoid this. We go home, I'm torqued, but I figure "Oh well, it's been 8 years, what's another 3 days?"

Finally today arrives. We go to the DMV at 10 am, and there's a big sign on the front door stating "NO MORE DRIVING TESTS WILL BE OFFERED TODAY." What. The. Fuck. Yet ANOTHER thing they could have told Liz while she was on the phone: "Oh, yeah, we'll be closed on the 3rd, and we generally experience a lot of overflow on the following Monday after a holiday, so be sure to get here at 5:30 [this is actually what the guy told me as I was leaving the DMV today, despite them not opening until 7:00 am] so you can be sure to actually get a test." And yet you can't make an appointment. Stupid. I took off today specifically for taking DMV tests. I guess we just didn't ask them all the right questions.

So I'm mad, but I figure we can at least take the written test, so we wait around for 2 hours for me to take a test that takes all of 2 minutes, and then after that I have to wait in ANOTHER damn line (I hate lines) and wait for them to tell me I passed even though on the screen it says "Congratulations! You passed your Class D license test!"

Oh well. I have 90 days to take the driving test, and I already took the Monday two weeks from now off because we're going to Los Alamos, and at least now I have a legitimate permit instead of the old NM one that states my weight as 130. I'm also going to call a few other testing facilities to see if they have any driving tests available, but it's not bloody likely. I'm not really looking forward to having to wake up at 5 am.

This is maybe just the most haunting version of "Billie Jean" I have ever heard: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTaI7pu-6ps

Without spoken intro, if you don't want to hear her explaination (which, I don't know why, because AFP is awesome): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsHJy1xNvEE

Oh, subconcious. What mysteries do you hold for the slumbering man to unlock?

Last night I had a dream. In this incredibly strange dream, I was hosting a birthday party for Uma Thurman (hold on to your hats, kids, that's just the tip of the iceberg). Why Uma Thurman? I have no idea. We haven't watched anything with her recently, let alone were we even discussing her, so I don't know where this came from. It's in in the same vein of off-the-wall wackiness as the dream wherein I was taking out a bank loan with Brittney Spears. I don't know why, I just was. Anyway, I digress. This party was being held at Liz's grandparents' house. I don't know why, probably because it's a secluded location where no paparazzi could find us. At this party, not only was I the host, but I was in charge of decorations. My brand of decorating, as you all know, involves the wacky, the tacky, and the downright deranged, and it was no different for this party.

Attending this party was not the biggest list of A-List celebrities you've ever seen, nor was it even B- C- or D-List celebrities. For the most part it was people whom, I wouldn't really call friends, more like acquaintances. One of the attendees was a guy who I only ever talked to maybe a half a dozen times, and I only really knew him through another friend. The reason I remember him in particular is that he was trying to find the party, but kept getting lost and having to call me for directions. At one point he was calling from the Quiznos in Edmond (Edmond is about 30 miles North of here. Liz's grandparents is about 200 miles West. Don't worry, I haven't gotten to the strange part yet).

At any rate, everybody finally makes it to the party, and we're now waiting for Uma to show up. I have to remind everyone that it is not, in fact, a surprise party, but we should probably still hide, and when she comes out, and I'm quoting here, "We should probably shout 'not a surprise!'" Yeah, I don't know either. I also have to remind people how to pronounce her name (because apprently all the attendees haven't seen a movie in the last 20 years, or have been locked in a dungeon). However, before she shows up, I have to make a few last minute alterations. I go outside and find something wallowing in the mud. A friend (I don't remember who) tried to stomp on it, as though it were a bug, but it wouldn't crush. It just bounced back, like silly putty. I picked it up, washed it off, and discovered it to be a small dog. I check the dogs tags to find the owner, and it turns out to be none other than C. Montgomery Burns (Yes, THAT C. Montgomery Burns). So I give him a call, but there's no answer, so I proceed to leave a message. What was strange about this message was that I behaved as though Mr. Burns and I were great friends. I hadn't heard back from Mr. Burns by the time the dream ended, so I presume my subconcious self ended up keeping the puppy.

So, finally Uma shows up, we all shout random things at her (I think I ended up shouting "It is your birthday!"), and we all lived happily ever after.

Say it with me now, folks, "WTF?!"

Highlight of the day: Some nerdy guy was trying to hit on Liz (probably) because she was standing in the Anime section at Best Buy while I was browsing Horror. I let it go on for a little bit, because I wanted to see just how far he could get, but then I felt bad for Liz. After we were done giggling about it, I started to feel bad for the guy. He probably thought he had all kinds of game, but then he got to get shut down in front of his friend. I now feel we probably should've thrown him a bone and at least let Liz give him a fake number. As I have explained to Liz on many occassions, she's like a diamond in the rough. There aren't a lot of nerd girls, and most of them look like dudes anyway, so when a nerd sees a hot nerd girl, he's gotta take his chances. That, and she has boobs, so those are a little distracting from the wedding ring.

Also, I heard some pop singer died. I dunno, maybe they'll talk about it on the news at some point so I can figure it out. I think there was something about some actress and former sex-symbol dying, too. I wonder if the two deaths were related?

Firstly: a meme, because misspadfoot requested, nay, DEMANDED I do it.

( I'm a meme, you're a meme, we're all memes, hey! )

Also, I really love my job. "Why?" I hear you imaginarily ask into your computer monitor as though somebody were actually listening. Well, because at around 2:00 pm, the cover design group takes a break from their critique meeting to play frisbee. I went and played frisbee at work in the middle of the day.

I've been practicing driving the last couple of weeks. I also took time to study the driver's manual over this week at work (because, frankly, it's the end of the month, and I have nothing to do during the day), and it is about as dreary as it sounds. I also found out really interesting pieces of information, in particular that it is perfectly legal for motorcyclists to ride without helmets. Unless, of course, they are under 18, in which case it is mandated by law that they wear helmets. Because apparently the roads in Oklahoma are magically designed to only cause brain damage when a person strikes their head upon them at highway speed, but only if they are under 18. I really wish they would share this marvel of engineering with the rest of the United States so we could get rid of those pesky helmet laws. Damn them.

Anyway, I'm thrilled to finally be on the road to getting my license (I didn't even realize that was an unintentional pun until rereading it a few times), but I'm just a bit nervous about taking the test, because I haven't taken a test since I was 21. We're going to be doing that 2 weeks from Monday, so wish me luck with all that. This also means that I'll be getting to drive to New Mexico and pretty much anywhere else we go over the next five years because according to Liz, and I quote, "I've been carting your ass around for long enough. It's time to return the favor." I love my charming wife. Really, I do. Her sarcastic cynicism is what attracted me to her in the first place.

Last night I dreamed that they caught the guy who robbed our house. It was a big, fat, balding guy, and the officer showed up with him at our house. I was ready to punch and kick him, but then the officer told me that he was going to put back all our DVDs in the correct order (which would have been a task considering at that time they were divided by genre and then arranged alphabetically). Apparently this was good enough for me, so I called Liz into the second bedroom and we watched him with glaring eyes. None of the other stuff was mentioned in my dream, only the DVDs.

We Mallratted a bit today. Mostly we bought clothes and stuff, but the thing I'm really excited about is a) all the awesome stuff I got for my friend boombashpow for her birthday (which was actually two days ago, but her anniversary present for Liz and me was like 2 months late), but, more importantly, b) I found this movie called eXistenZ at Suncoast. If you understand just how long I've been trying to find this movie, you'll understand why I'm so excited. Basically I saw this with my mom's last husband (my sister's father) like... 10 years ago, probably, when it first came out on video. It struck me because it was such an unusual concept for a film. The plot consists of Jude Law and and Jennifer Jason Leigh in a realistic-future-time video game called "eXistenZ." It's probably not NEARLY as awesome as I remember it being, but I'm still ultra pumped about it. I might make Liz watch it later today. I've been trying to find a copy to buy for the longest time, and the only place I've ever seen it is on Amazon.com. So, naturally you can understand why I about peed myself when I saw it on the dvd shelf.

No matter what happens now, this has been a thoroughly exciting weekend.

***E.T.A.***

Apparently, unbeknownst to me, this film was directed by David Cronenberg, a name which you might recognize as being the director of Scanners, Video Drome, The Fly, Naked Lunch, M. Butterfly, and, more recently, A History of Violence. I'm even more excited about this piece of nostalgia now!

Me: high five!

*Liz high fives Nathan*

Me: down low!

*Liz attempts to low five, but Nathan pulls away*

Me: Too slow!

*Liz frowns*

Liz: I TRUSTED YOU!

I love my wife.

:O Trillian Astra is in open, public beta! Hooray! Still no Mac version, though... soon...

obligatory pimpage

Well well, what an exciting afternoon I had. Normally I get home right around 5:30, but apparently there was a big wreck on 59th, so James took a detour. We go around the interstate into the heart of Soutside Oklahoma City.

Let me tell you, I'm starting to get a better appreciation for why people on the Northside look down their noses on the Southside. I mean, I have heard rumors about the absoulte hell-hole that is the area past SW 59th street, but good God, I had absolutely no idea. You know how you see a neighborhood and there's a whole lot of coin operated laundromats, or pawn shops, or EZ-Cash loan places, and you think "wow, what a shit pile." This area has all three within blocks of each other. We basically spent the better part of a half-hour going "Oh man, I'm really glad I don't live here," "Hey, look, nobody in this neighborhood mows their lawn!" and James occasionally saying, "When I was growing up there wasn't a fence around this high school." It's shocking to me that what was once probably a really nice place to live has taken such a serious nose-dive in the 30 some odd years since he lived there/around there.

I mean, really, I complain about the crap living conditions that we have and our obnoxious neighbors, but this area makes our neighborhood look like Shangri-La. No wonder nobody wanted to carpool with me when I told them we live on the Southside.

This post will only be relevant to one person, and I live with her. You're welcome for sucking away the 5 minutes it took to read.